I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
