yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
