Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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