I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
