HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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