She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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