so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
