Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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