if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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