i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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