my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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