ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
