If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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