y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize