we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
