i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
