Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
