he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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