I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
