it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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