tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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