According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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