If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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