if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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