you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
