I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
