Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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