I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How naked do you want me to be?
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