Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
