I'm going to jail i love you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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