this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
