dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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