Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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