I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
