I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
