i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
