we have pet lesbian snakes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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