a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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