I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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