he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize