No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
