my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
