What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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