3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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