I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
