Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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