her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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