ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
