Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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