I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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