his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
