Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize