She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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