Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
