I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
