So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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