New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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