If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
