I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize