Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
