hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
