I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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