There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
