Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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