During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
