Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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