omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
