Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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