you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
