His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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