I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
