Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
