M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
