that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
