Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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